ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
