every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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