i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
