Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
