He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
