he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
