Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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