Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
