God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
