At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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