she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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