Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Your dad touched me again.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
