ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
