Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think I am morally bankrupt
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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