Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
