It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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