They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
