I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
