Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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