I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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