please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
