Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
