it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
