I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
