How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
