It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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