I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
