She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
