So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
