we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
