I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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