If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
