I wish I only lived at night.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
