we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
