It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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