i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
