Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
