i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
