I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's blow job season.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
