Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
