I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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