his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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