can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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