Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
