What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
