got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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