So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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