We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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