He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Can I color on your dick again?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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