I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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