If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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