my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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