my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
so much tequila, so little girl.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
