You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just invented taco cereal.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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