Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I want to fling myself into the sun
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
